Violence On The Very Young

01 July 08 11:58PM Violence on The Very Young

Did I learn a valuable lesson from sporadic paddling, slapping and beatings? In my heart of hearts, I learned "don't make that crazy woman angry." I learned to walk on eggshells. It is exhausting to keep your guard up all day long. When I made her crazy, I knew I'd screwed it up. If she was pleasant 75% of the time, or 80, or 90%, that explosive rest of the time was murderous. I would compare it to living in a bullfight stadium, where the only way out of my bedroom was across the bull-ring. Many days, there was nothing there and I just walked across. When she was present, she could be peaceful, or she could charge you with injury in her heart.

The straight-laced kid I became confronted no one outside the house. I strove for record-setting politeness. Several parents of my buddies called me "Eddie Haskell" when I was not around. He was the friend of TV's Beaver Cleaver who straightened up when a parent entered the room, then commented on how nice they looked today. Only in therapy years later did I start to sympathize with Eddie.

Another downside of violent discipline is teaching the reality that the upper hand belongs to the physically stronger. Also, I learned that Authority Figures are crazy bastards. I still battle the belief that anyone who must make a decision about my life, work, schedule, duties or performance will stick it to me. Curfews will be ridiculous, rules unbearable.

I have been many places where all of this is untrue, but the belief that I must not put myself in a position where someone else decides my fate is deeply ingrained.

Only lately, as I read Eckhardt Tolle, and listen to Marianne Williamson, do some NLP, do I find myself experiencing happiness. I had a co-worker this week tell me I was the happiest person he knew. I have found that smiling can bring about endorphins and joy. I had a problem with this when I first learned it from Tony Robbins. To walk to Municipal Transit, smiling, and charging myself with positiveness, I felt I was cheating at life. I was experiencing happiness without external provocation. Nothing good was happening to me. I hadn't been promoted, or cured cancer, or written the great American novel. I was just smiling and radiating joy, for no reason.

I walked into work smiling. I can smile right now and relive the thrill of that pleasure. I wish I knew this earlier, and knew how to bring it into my life when I was disciplining my step-sons. One SOLID reason for learning how to talk with your mate and your kids, your parents and teachers, your co-workers and bosses, is to avoid the guilt and remorse of angry, untrained, unrestrained communication that doesn't serve you or anyone else. 12:36am