The Orangutan at the Piano
My mother always thought she would write a book with this title. The thought of a person accepting the responsibility for raising children, and believing that he already possesses the necessary skills, brings that title to mind. I point no fingers, I have been that great ape.
What if you were given a tiny person who needed your attention for the next 18 years? Who had to be fed, clothed, cleaned, every day, tended to when sick, taught not to do dangerous stuff, held every day or he may die of loneliness or something called Failure To Thrive. Is mastery of diaper changing the sum of all parenting skills?
From my experience, first as a step-parent, then as a parent, I learned it is possible to enter into this vital arrangement with no plan. I made no schematic about what kind of parent I wanted to be, or what kind of kid I wanted any of my family to become. I just made necessary adjustments. I didn't leave them alone, I helped see to it everyone was fed and clothed. I sort of added them to my life, like a saddlebag, and proceeded.
I've been struggling to make a metaphor for developing skills for a task. You can decide if I've succeeded with what's below.
Imagine two hundred million people tasked with cooking a pancake. It's national pancake day. Every homemaker is given a free two pound bag of pancake mix with the agreement they will return home and make pancakes. One wrinkle is, there are no directions on the bag.
What will people do?
There will be some disasters, some anger, some pancake mix summarily tossed down the drain, as well as some nice breakfasts. If it became a matter of pride that Americans know what to do with a bag of pancake mix, they might watch Wolfgang Puck and Emeril make basic, then advanced pancakes. Some might practice grandma's recipe, Americans anywhere in the world might be asked to step to the grill and make that favorite of American cuisine, The Pancake. I fantasize about Americans taking initiative to find out how to enjoy their families as they might enjoy the National Pancake.
