"Scarring" your child -- What Does That Even MEAN?

As I sit among folks and talk about kids and grandkids, I'm struck by the variety of opinions about what "discipline" is, what little kids should expect to be exposed to in the molding process.

I have used the term "scar a child," and I am imagining some recoiling by parents who wonder what could I be talking about.  Scarring is a dramatic term.  But Merriam Webster defines it, "A lasting moral or emotional injury."  So am I picturing a whimpering child, adolescent and eventually adult who assumes the fetal position and sucks his thumb for ever?  No.  Kids learn to hide these injuries, and grow into damaged citizens who seek therapy or beat their own kids.  I believe some parents are clueless about types of training appropriate for maintaining household order.  But what can we expect if we let every parent try to re-invent the wheel.

Does corporal punishment scar kids? When you bark at or rage at kids, and they stay out of your way, have you succeeded in developing a responsible person? Research shows that when the normal "fight or flight" response is active for prolonged periods, or constantly, in a child, the child's brain will develop "wiring" connections that are abnormal. The results can include instant violence without thought--automatic resort to violence.

A child raised with adrenalin pumping will grow into an adult with responses developed during prolonged fear. This often results not only in violence, but also resistance to taking reasonable adult action, e.g., getting an education, seeking employment, communicating with a spouse or a child. Confrontation, criticism and attempts at guidance may trigger aggravation and violence before the man can even consider the possibility of change and growth.

No sane parent wants that for their child. The moral or emotional injuries that come from bursts of parental anger have after-effects for the child that can influence quality of life, relationships and future choices unforeseeable by the pissed-off parent. Now, how do we convince millions of parents that the anger and need to corporally discipline (like THEY were disciplined) ISN"T OK, and doesn't bring about the intelligent, authentic, courageous, open, warm, loving and supportive man and woman they hope for?