What Does a Loving Parent Look Like?
If you were to counsel a young cousin, someone you have regard for, great hopes for, familial love for, but no accumulated, day-to-day emotional stuff/baggage, how would you address them? Would you would be nice, warm, and supportive? When you see their concern about some issue, would you take time to ask about it, and listen to the responses? Wouldn't it be wonderful to hear years later that your kind attention and calm advice was very important to them. Imagine that kind of focus on your own kid, daily--or close to daily. What an amazing start to creating the safe haven I propose.
Imagine yourself having a child, and striving every day to be warm, supportive and loving. You sit with him and talk with him about his day--he might ask you about your day. When a behavior by your youngster troubles you, you might guide the conversation around to the behaviour you would like to eliminate. Talk about it. No lecture. Hear her explanation about why the behavior happened. Consider, was it more reasonable than you thought? Was the result of the behavior satisfying to the youngster? Did it make you sad, or mad, or disappointed? Could you get them thinking about alternative actions? Maybe they'd think of one that they would find satisfying and you wouldn't object to. Make it a visionquest of a conversation. Be open to a solution coming from the little one. If he doesn't produce the "answer," he will know that you were asking seriously, seeking an answer, and not preaching.
You could even incite your little angel to...think about it...and get back to you.
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