July 2, 08 That Old Guilt and Remorse
It's easier to say, on one's deathbed, "I wish I'd spent more time with my family," than "I wish I had just talked to the kids when they were small, and not taken a hand, a fist, a belt, an electric cord or a hanger to them."
Try to be the man or woman you want them to become. Honest. Showing up. Supportive, a good listener.
Learn something about methods of discipline that involve only talking. I know that when I hit my step-kids, I felt it was the right thing to do. It was automatic for me. I gave it no thought. It is hindsight that horrifies me, and drives me to help other parents and grandparents learn those options that replace hitting and yelling.
When we had my natural son, I realized there was a feeling my wife had for her boys that I had no idea of. I wanted to stop hitting, and I didn't want to hit my boy. I succeeded with my own guy, but for my older steps, the damage was done, and I didn't know how to undo it. If I can help future grandparents avoid the guilt and remorse, I want to contribute.
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