Shouting Pushes People Away

30June08 "Shouting pushes people away."

I was so angry because I had to repeat myself to get any lasting cooperation from these two step-sons of mine. I lectured and shouted before hitting, but real communication with them never happened. I am so sorry that I was so personally dented and ignorant of any workable techniques.

Graduate school in acting is where I learned a vital, usable parenting (and communication) tool. An acting scene partner and I performed for our classmates and instructors. We were critiqued afterwards. Janice Garcia Hutchinson, a leading starlet with the theatre company, asked me why my character shouted at my partner's character.

"I needed her to really hear me," I said.

"That's not how it works. Shouting pushes people away. Really important communication must be spoken. Draw them in, watch them, to see that they are understanding what you are saying."

Important acting advice, and essential advice for living. I wondered how I had lived so long having it wrong, and why it was an acting class where I learned the truth. But I am grateful.