28June08 Saturday
I have begun a 21 day cycle of relaxation and visualization using the Psycho-cybernetics model of Dr. Maxwell Maltz. Last night and again this morning I relaxed and visualized myself comfortably stating that I have a need "for respect." This week I prepared for and met with a co-worker with whom I had a dispute. I stated then that I had a need for respect. I waited a moment for a humiliating reaction from the colleague and my boss, "Ho! Ho! Ho! Who the Hell are YOU to have a need for respect!!" I was quite surprised that they sat calmly waiting for me to go on, finish my statement.
It was actually jarring. After I completed my statement, he made his, starting with the same statement. It seems we'd both been pissing each other off. So we identified the issues and agreed to end them. We're now working together fine.
This morning, during the visualizations, I realized I was unable to come up with another need. Other than food and air, my list of needs ended at respect. I will find a list in Marshall Rosenberg's text and commit some of it to memory.
This is some of the effect of violent, uneven, humiliating parenting. I know I want my kids, and now ALL kids, to become thinkers, reasoners, communicators, negotiators in their own interest. I want no kid to be afraid of me, and I want kids to be respectful because it's the right way to be--not because someone might knock them on their butt.
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